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× Hellene Hiner's Blog

Soft Learning for The Helicopter Parent

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26 Jul 2017 16:50 - 27 Jul 2017 06:45 #26576 by hellene

When my daughter was 4-years old and learning to read, it was a very frustrating experience.

She could say the ‘m’ sound and the ‘a’ sound. But when she looked at two letters together she could not make out the word ‘mama’. It didn’t matter what I did, she would not read for me.

I hovered over my daughter. I tensed the muscles in my neck. I begged, I pleaded and it was clear to both her and me, that she was disappointing me. We found ourselves locked in a battle. Is it possible that I am the only one with this experience? I don’t think so; after all, we have a name for that kind of parenting.

Notice the word battle. It defines uncaring, harsh, and unnatural teaching.
On one side was my curious little 4-year-old who came into the world prepared to learn to use her hands, crawl, walk and learn a language by her 2nd birthday. She is obviously gifted, look at what she’d accomplished already.

One the other side was me. I was convinced that her refusal to read the word ‘mama’ was a plot by her to sap all my energy and ‘get my goat’.

It didn’t matter what I did, raise or lower my voice, sigh heavily, use short phrases or lecture on and on. All of this is a futile effort. It is fighting the wind.

What should we do instead?

First, we are going to learn to Soft Teach. Soft Teaching isn’t coercive. It doesn’t bully.

On the video is amazing 'a-ha!' moment caught on video, when the child suddenly understands how to use all fingers instead of 1.

It starts with observation. You sit near the child, lean back on the chair and quietly observe. How is he teaching himself? You watch this calmly. You don't push the child, he is pushing you. Every now and then, it is the child who is disturbing your daydream by talking and asking you questions. They have allowed you into their learning space and are inviting you to participate. That is the time to talk to them. When they speak, you could start your reply with the phrase: Oops, why didn't I think of that? Good idea!

With Soft Teaching, one need not force themselves to be patient. But rather the teacher must learn to attend to how the child is teaching herself. Watch this little one teach herself to use all 5 fingers. No lecture, no reminding, no instructing.

More on this next time.

Go and Soft Teach,

Hellene Hiner

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Last edit: 27 Jul 2017 06:45 by hellene.

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